Once again I’ve drafted multiple blog posts about writing that I haven’t posted because—well, because I’m doing the actual work, and I don’t want to jinx it by saying too much or by setting goals here that I can’t promise I’ll keep. And I’ve got my personal journal for all the endless doubts and affirmations that are part of sustaining belief in a project (and myself) over the long-term. (A note: I do think daily long-hand journaling has been an important part of my workflow. Even if you’re not saying anything new, repeating how badly you want something, day after day, keeps it fresh in your mind.)

I’ve finished a second round of revisions on my book, and I’m trying to stay out of the manuscript for a month while a few more readers take a look at it. I think I did a good job? I invigorated the sedentary language of the first two chapters, wrote new scenes to weave an antagonist more securely into the narrative, accidentally (and I’m low-key furious about this) inserted a new background character who might be the main character in a sequel, and confronted all of the sentences that felt clunky or cringey. I’m sure I’ll wince at more sentences the next time through, and I know there will be more, even major, edits in the future, but I think I did my best?

I started this month with plans to attempt NaNoWriMo, but I also promised myself that I wouldn’t finish it just for the sake of finishing if the story wasn’t coming together. And boy did that story NOT come together! At almost 9,000 words the characters weren’t speaking to me yet, and I hadn’t found a plot. It has some elements I love, but it just wasn’t happening, not for me, not right now. I also realized that the aforementioned revisions were not coming as quickly as I’d hoped, and I needed to prioritize the book I’d already written. Still, failing NaNoWriMo has not helped with my fear that I will never again be as inspired by a story as I was by this story, the story for my existing book, earlier this year. It wasn’t easy—I’ve put in so many hours—but I didn’t need to struggle for the story. I just showed up. But it’s also given me so much more confidence in my ability to show up, which can only be a good thing for the next one. 

For now, I plan to spend a few weeks wrestling with a synopsis and other submission materials. The synopsis, so far, has absolutely kicked my ass. I know what my book is about, but summarizing in 500 or so words with enough—but not too much—detail, while also conveying a sense of tone, feels like the most difficult writing assignment I’ve ever had. Wish me luck!